Let me start by saying this is Hannah again. I have been battling myself all day on whether or not I should write this blog. In these past few days I have been filled with so many emotions that I can hardly put into words. When I woke up Sunday morning the realization hit me.....this is it....its finally happening. For the past 7 months I have dreamt about the day my parents would leave to go and pick up the kids. I prepared myself for extra gas money driving the further distance to work, helping Carson with homework, skype conversations with Vika and Sly.....but what I didn't prepare for is the feeling I would have when I said goodbye.
God has been preparing my family for us to have two new children. This past week I have been majorly struggling but I have not wanted to burden my parents or anyone else with all of my thoughts. Two main things have been tugging at my heart, the fact that I let other things keep me from truly praising God for all that I have (especially a new brother and sister) and that I wont be a "good enough" big sister for them.
God has been working in my heart for the past few weeks and dealing with me about my thankfulness or lack there of. Vika and Sly mean the absolute world to me. I am so thankful that God chose my family to be theirs. But at the same time God would constantly question me with "have you truly thanked me?" I have been very selfish. I let the fact that God was dealing with me about certain areas in my life overtake my praise and thankfulness to Him. I can tell you here today that I will spend everyday of the rest of my life thanking God that I was able to be a small part in this entire process. I heard once "When you quit getting thankful for things, you quit getting things!" I pray that God continues to work in my life. I pray that my praise never gets as slack as it has been. I don't deserve to be a part of these kids lives but thank God He is allowing me to be!
Now the next thing has been the hardest thing. Maybe it is God trying to prepare me for the kids or maybe it is me just being emotional, but none the less it has been on my mind. I have been battling with being the "only Jesus people may see!" I want to be the kind of Christian that has people questioning, what does she have? I want people to know that they can come to me, I want people to know that I will pray for them, I want people to know the God that has blessed me so very much. You ask what does this have to do with Vika and Sly? Well recently I have felt like I haven't been the sister that I should have been or should be to any of my brothers. I feel like there have been times that I have failed them and it breaks my heart. I want to make sure that I am the absolute best that I can be for Vika and Sly. They deserve a sister that puts God first, but that puts them second. And here today that is what I promise to be to them. I don't want a second to pass that they feel like they aren't important to me. These two kids have changed my life in a way that I can't put into words. They have showed me a side of life that I didn't know exsisted. They along with the other kids at camp showed me there is more to life than money, school, a boyfriend, and even friends. Since the week I spent with these kids God has done a major work in my life which brings me to my title.
God has proven Himself faithful to me in so many ways. Every time that I have prayed and asked God to comfort me and my family, it was as if I could almost feel His arms around me. Everytime I asked that He could ease my mind of worrying about the kids, He would have me thinking about something else in no time. We prayed for God to quickly let us get our kids and days later my parents were on a plane! God has proven to be my comfort so many more times than I could ever imagine. So today as I rode home from spending time with Carson, Nanny, Luke, and the kids God began to speak to me. He filled me with an assurance like He was saying "I will make sure you are good enough....stay true to me and I will continue to mold you." It was while riding in my car listening to the song He'll Be Enough that I finally gave me every fear, worry, and concern over to the Lord. This verse rings true tonight....."There's no place that I can go that He doesn't know exactly where I'll be....He's always aware of whereever I am and just what I need!"
Praise God I know that He is in Ukraine comforting both my parents and my new siblings! This is just one more time that I know God will show Himself faithful to not only me but my family. I challenge you tonight, whatever you may be facing in your life....thank God for your circumstances and let Him be the amazing Comforter that He has been to me. I promise you the road won't always be easy, but God will bring you through time and time again!
Dad and LeeAnn....I miss you both already! It was so great getting to talk to you today. Tonight we had dinner and spent time playing with the kids. LeeAnn-Brook asked about you quite a few times and I kept telling her "She went to go get Vika and Sly" to that she responded "Vika, Vika, Vika!" Justin was able to come by and spend a few minutes. Dad he says that he will have the computer on in the morning! I love you both so much! I pray constantly for God to keep you safe and to ease your minds. We have this over here just enjoy yourselves there! Remember I couldn't go so you both have to take enough in for me! I love yall and cant wait to skype again!
